Revelation....At Least Somewhat

As Moses was forty years in the desert......

 Do you ever have one of those moments when a thought or idea "pops" into your head and then you realize it may have actually been the Lord speaking? I had one of those moments this week during my morning prayer. The fact that it came in the middle of praying is one reason I don't believe it was a random thought on my part.

 First, I believe some background is in order. Shortly after the Lord saved me I felt the need to be serving in a Christian ministry and Christian radio fit the bill since I was in radio broadcasting at the time. Over twenty years ago I left the radio ministry for several reasons, some good, some probably not so good. During the decade of the 90's I taught a couple of adult Sunday school classes at different churches and also served in an administrative position in a children's ministry. I was approached by the pastor of a brand new church of which I was a founding member in 2002 to consider being an elder if nominated. However, I asked that I not be considered as I felt I was not in any way qualified.

 Fast forward nine years and I now find myself in my late fifties wondering where has the time gone and whether I have wasted most of my life in relation to Christian ministry. This is where the "idea" or "revelation" I had the other morning comes in. I must put this in question form, because I am so confused right now and I must confess...I don't know if this of the Lord or me. I pray He will reveal this to me clearly, but the question is: Have the past thirty years actually been a time of preparation for some type of service or ministry? I do not have the means to return to school...humanly speaking,  but all things are possible with God. Maybe He has a plan for me that doesn't involve any formal training. Only He knows.

 The other great spiritual struggle I am dealing with at this time may actually tie in to this situation. I thought I had finally "arrived" four years ago when I discovered reformed theology and joined a Presbyterian (PCA) church. I trust my use of the word "arrived" is not misunderstood in this context. One must have a "system" by which he approaches and understands God's Word and now, for the past four years through reformed theology,  the Bible has made more sense to me than ever before. However, nothing ever seems to be "settled" in my life. There has been a restlessness I cannot explain. I have been thinking it is all about my job. I've been scheming to get a new job and/or move to the coast where my son lives for the past two years. I have probably been looking in the wrong direction all along. Maybe God is calling me into full time gospel ministry. It may not be as crazy as it sounds, but I'm still seeking the Lord's direction.

 And then comes the wild card thrown into the mix. Over the past few months I have been investigating the Anglican church. There are two parishes here in the local area. They and the groups with which they are affiliated are theologically and socially conservative. They view the Bible as the Word of God and as supreme authority for our lives. Their theology is also reformed. Their worship services are formal and liturgical, and I now find that after all of these years, that appeals to me. I believe this type of worship to be more God-centered than the informal, contemporary services in most of our evangelical churches.  I speak only for me....I have evolved to the point where I now feel closer to the Lord in a more "traditional" church setting. The Anglicans trace their heritage back 2000 years to the apostles of Christ. This also strongly appeals to me. I believe the early church in the first century had it right. The error and non-biblical additions to the faith came later especially with the Roman church. The Anglican church claims its heritage in the early church and the reformation of the 16th century. One of the two local Anglican churches holds their weekly service at 5pm on Sundays. I attended that service this past Sunday and all I can say is I want to return to experience and learn more. I realize I have been in many churches during my life and I don't want to make any sudden moves because I happen to get caught up in the "flavor of the month" or the latest fad, so to speak. Actually, due to a (hopefully unfounded) concern for the future of my current church, I was investigating other local possibilities of churches and that's what led me to my discovery and further investigation of the Anglican church.

 I rekindled some old acquaintances this past Sunday and quickly made some new friends as well. I also attended a class currently studying a book on church history, which I really enjoyed. Some of us interestingly came from similar spiritual backgrounds. If it is God's will for a move to be made, I dread breaking the news to my brothers and sisters at my current church. What is the big picture here? What does it all mean? Which way must I go? Am I emerging from the backside of the desert to begin what may be a great new chapter in my life? I pray the Lord will make it clear.